Saturday, May 10, 2008

Stuff Christians Like...

In case you haven't discovered Jon Acuff's blog Stuff Christians Like, I wanted to provide you with a sample of his witty, tongue-in-cheek satire with a message, snapshots of life inside the Christian bubble. Jon writes from Alpharetta, Georgia... an Atlanta mega-suburb... and he cranks out multiple posts ever day. Here's a recent post of Jon's:

Christianizing Your Facebook Profile: A How-To Guide

I am on Facebook. I have a profile that you can see. I would love to be your friend.

But one of my favorite things about Facebook is when we Christians try to "out-God" each other with our profiles. When we try to make them just a little bit holier than the profiles of our friends. It's not easy though. Creating a super Christian profile can be a confusing challenge if you're not careful. That's why I came up with this handy guide.

How to Christianize your Facebook profile:

Step 1: Your Name

Don't just use your name on your profile. Calling yourself "Mary" or "Tim" doesn't do anything for the Lord. Name your profile something like, "Forgiven1" or "WashedinBlood." Better yet, name yourself after a Bible verse so that when you send someone a message, even if they don't open it they will see they got a note from "ForGodSoLovedtheWorld."

Step 2: Status

On Facebook, you can put a little message by your name, allowing people to know where you are or what you're doing. Don't just say something like "Matt is stressed out from finals." Write something a little longer like, "Matt is stuck in the moment, the moment when my eyes will look up to the Son, the Son that's always been there for me, arms around my life, for now and evermore."

Step 3: Photos

Only posts photos from church events. And if you're church goes to the beach, or the devil's sandbox as it were, make sure you wear a tankini.

Step 4: Quotes

If you don't have a quote from CS Lewis on your profile page, I'm not sure you're a Christian. You better get right with God and add at least three or four.

Step 5: Groups

The other day someone invited me to join the "Recovering Alcoholics" group on Facebook. That was a weird request as I am not an alcoholic. I have friends that are and I sometimes speak at rehab clinics, but still, weird thing to assume. For the most part though joining a group is a great way to show your allegiance to God. Join as many as you can. Better yet, create your own.

Step 6: Applications

I hate the applications. Everyday someone is inviting me to "Download the virtual cobbler! Make your own virtual shoes that you can sell." But there has to be a good Christian application, something that lets you count up the number of people you've told about God, or make your own Jesus fish.

Step 7: Notes

Use the notes section as a way to recap in long, long detail the sermon you heard on Sunday. Spare no detail. And when you do post the note, tag all your friends so that they'll get that little "Hey you have a notification" status update. Good stuff.

Step 8: Profile Photo

What, you were just going to use a photo of yourself? You sweaty Philistine. Use a cross or a dove or better yet, a Jesus fish kicking the Darwin fish in the face.

Did I miss anything?